found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
