I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
