remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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