shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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