I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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