the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
