I have demons in me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
