My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
