he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
