New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
