I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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