And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
