there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
