She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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