I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
