I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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