There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
