i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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