Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
