I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
