I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
whose parrot is this?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
