I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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