i think my tv is drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
