he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
