One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
