thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
