I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
