Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
