dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
