woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
