Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
