apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
