I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
