Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk is not a location!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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