At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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