Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
