it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
