You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
