Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
