I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
