Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
