well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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