I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
