my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
