The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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