I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
