I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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