Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
