you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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