yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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