Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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