I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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