Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.