I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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