i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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