people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
