Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You were trust falling into bushes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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