I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I believe in your delicious
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
