My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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