we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
