So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
