I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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