You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
