I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
