I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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