She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
