I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
