i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
