And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
