my mouth tastes like poor choices
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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