There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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