yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
