just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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