I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
