so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
