Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
