I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
