I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
