Redeem this text for a blowjob
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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