Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
